For parents, carers & people alongside young people · Book companion
Notice Their Strengths
A little space to see what a young person brings, find the words to acknowledge it, and make room for more.
Allow about five minutes. Reflect quietly or use a notebook.
01 · From the story
Seeing more of Michael.
In Chapter 3 of A Beautiful Mess, “What’s Your Superpower?”, Andrew describes learning to recognise Michael’s creativity alongside the things he found difficult. Michael wrote lyrics, made connections and noticed details. Andrew even kept a notebook of the insights Michael shared after school.
The family began to change the language they used, making more room for Michael’s talents and interests. His struggles were still part of the story. So were his imagination, intelligence and humour.
This reflection begins with that shift in attention. The prompts and examples below were written for this companion; they are not quotations from the book.
02 · Notice a moment
Start with something you saw.
Bring one young person to mind. Think of a recent, ordinary moment when you noticed their interest, effort, creativity or care.
- What were they doing?
- What did you notice about how they approached it?
- What seemed to matter to them?
A strength does not have to look like a school result, a trophy or a finished task. If nothing comes to mind today, leave yourself time to notice. You do not need to invent a compliment.
A moment I remember is… What I noticed was…
03 · Describe it. Say it.
Let them know what you noticed.
Describe the action in your own words: “I noticed you…” Keep it simple and specific. You can acknowledge something without adding a lesson, a comparison or an expectation to do more.
Open an example if you would like somewhere to start. Use only what fits the moment you actually saw.
When they keep trying
They come back to something that did not work the first time.
“I noticed you tried a different way when that got difficult.”
Ask whether they would like time, company or a hand with it. Let them choose.
When they create or get curious
They make something, explore an idea or ask a question you had not considered.
“I noticed how much thought you put into that. I’d like to hear about it, if you feel like sharing.”
Make room for their interest without needing it to become an achievement or a career plan.
When they care for someone
They include someone, listen, or offer a small act of kindness.
“I noticed you made room for them to join in. I appreciated that.”
Acknowledge the moment without making them responsible for everyone else’s feelings.
Choose a quiet moment that suits them. Let them respond in their own way, including saying very little. You are offering an observation, rather than asking them to agree with a label.
04 · Make room for more
One moment. One small invitation.
Finish these lines in your notebook, or simply hold them in mind.
- The moment I noticed was…
- In my own words, I could say…
- A small opportunity I could offer is…
- I could ask what they would enjoy by saying…
That opportunity might be time to create, something to explore together, or a chance to show you an interest. Leave room for them to decline or suggest something different.
Afterwards, ask yourself: what did I learn about them? What would I like to keep noticing?
What might you see if you look again?
Return to the story.
Read Chapter 3, What’s Your Superpower?, for Andrew’s account of learning to see Michael’s strengths. This companion invites you to reflect on the young person in your own life.
Noticing strengths can sit alongside acknowledging what is hard and listening to what support they want.