For fathers, parents & carers · Book companion
The Connection Check-In
A little space to notice the relationship, look again at the young person you love, and choose one next step.
Take this at your own pace. You can reflect quietly or use a notebook.
01 · From the story
Time alongside each other.
In Chapter 10 of A Beautiful Mess, Andrew describes starting Dutton Property Services as a way to work alongside Michael. Their days included packing a trailer, working outdoors and coming home tired. The business made space for shared work, purpose and time together.
Looking back, Andrew extends that invitation beyond a family business: a project, volunteering or something creative could offer shared time too.
“Do something with your child, not just for them.”
Chapter 10 · Building Families, Building Communities
This check-in takes that moment from the book as a starting point. The questions below are companion reflections, rather than quotations from Andrew.
02 · Pause and reflect
What has connection felt like lately?
Bring one young person to mind. Think about a recent ordinary moment together, rather than trying to sum up your whole relationship.
- What was happening when you last felt close to them?
- What tends to fill your time together now?
- What would you like there to be more room for?
You can leave a question unanswered. There is no score to reach and no need to have everything worked out.
03 · Your connection check-in
Choose somewhere to begin.
Open whichever reflection feels most useful today. Each offers a question, its connection to the book and a small action to consider.
Make room for shared time
When were we last together without a problem to solve?
In Chapter 10, working alongside Michael gave Andrew shared time with his son. The invitation reaches beyond starting a business: it can be something ordinary you do together.
Think of one thing your young person already enjoys. Offer to join them, or invite them to do something small together. Leave room for them to say no or suggest another time.
Something we could do together is…
Make this your next step →See more than the problem
What do I still notice and value in them beyond what is difficult right now?
Chapter 3, “What’s Your Superpower?”, explores seeing Michael’s strengths as well as his struggles. This reflection invites you to look again at the person you love.
Recall one specific moment when you saw a strength, kindness or interest in them. Consider whether you could acknowledge it simply, without turning it into a lesson.
Something I appreciate about them is…
Make this your next step →Let someone stand with you
Who can I be honest with about how this season feels?
Chapter 8 describes the community that supported the Dutton family. Andrew and Faith had people with whom they could share the difficult parts of their lives.
Choose one trusted person and consider asking for something specific: time to talk, company or practical help. You can begin with what you feel ready to share.
Someone I could reach out to is…
Make this your next step →04 · One next step
Something small enough to try.
Take the reflection you chose and finish these lines in your notebook, or simply hold them in mind.
- The connection I want to make room for is…
- One thing I could offer or ask is…
- A time that might work is…
- Someone who could support me is…
Afterwards, notice what the moment was like. What did you learn? What might you want to try again or change? A response you hoped for is not something you can guarantee.
What would you like them to remember about how you showed up?
Return to the story.
Read Chapter 10, Building Families, Building Communities, for the story behind shared time. Chapters 3 and 8 explore strengths and community.
This companion draws on one family’s lived experience. Choose steps that fit your circumstances and respect the young person’s space. Connection can include boundaries and support from other people.